The Simple Truth
Dear log, Ever since Seven of Nine, came aboard Voyager, my life has changed. Suddenly there was someone who needed me, not as a Captain but as.....I don't know what as, but it wasn't just as a captain. A mentor maybe. I enjoyed being her mentor. I really did. Seven was just so innocent in many ways. She hid it behind a veneer of arrogance but, I saw it. I saw how scared she really was, and it broke my heart.
Then things changed between us. Well not between us, things changed for me. I don't know when it happened. I don't know HOW it happened. I just know it did. Somewhere between here and there I fell in love with Seven of Nine.
God I can just hear it now, Kathryn Janeway a star ship Captain, has fallen in love with a borg drone. I can just hear the jokes now. "Did you hear the one about the Captain and the borg....."
They just don't understand. Seven is different. Seven is.... Seven is Seven. There is no other way to explain it. Some things just have to be experienced. I've told that to Seven so many times and now I'm getting a taste of my own medicine. I've fallen in love with someone I can't have.
Don't get me wrong. I enjoy our friendship. The times I spend with her are the happiest. But lately....lately I've been.....well lets just say there have been moments when all I want to do is kiss her. There have been moments when I had to use all my self control...to put it crudely...to avoid jumping her bones.
Its not just sex either. Trust me on that. I'm not the type to get involved in a one night stand. As a matter of fact, I've avoided them most of my life. I've said no, more times then I can count, even though I've wanted to say yes. It's just not my style.
I wish it was my style. I'm just so damned lonely. That's why I got into that insane relationship with the holographic character Michael Sulivan. I was just so damned lonely. He made me feel....he made me feel again. I guess that's what it was. For the first time in so many years he made me feel. I confused the feeling with love. And the fact that I made him my perfect man didn't help the matter any. I won't lie, I did love him, but he wasn't real. I realized that....eventually. When it came down to it, it just wasn't enough. I think I finally realized it when he asked me to marry him. Can you just see it. "Did you hear the one about the star ship captain who married a hologram?"
Can I pick them or what?
Truth is a hard thing to swallow. I taught that to Seven and now I'm learning it. Truth isn't always good. Sometimes the truth hurts. However the truth is always simple. And the simple truth is, dear log,, that I am head over heals, heart pounding, mind swimming, in love with Seven of Nine.