Title: A Simple Act
Author:
Femvamp
Disclaimer:
Hey yeah I own ER, uh huh and if you buy that I got a bridge to sell ya. No bridge huh, ok so I donít own the show or the character, or much of anything but hey I mean well and I donít intend any infringement, just a little act of grand theft character. Iíll return um though.
Note:
Ok I admit it, Iíve seen exactly three episodes, but I just canít help myself. Please forgive me for how bad this is probably going to be.
Spoilers:
Takes place during The Greatest Gifts (I think) and basically will go through to Rampage.


Part 1: Of Love

Kerry Weaver sat on her couch with a glass of wine and stared into space. Kim had kissed her and she had kissed her back. She had no idea why she had done that. Why either one of them had done that. Kerry was straight.

Kerry tried to get the kiss out of her head but it wouldnít leave.

I donít need anymore friends. Kiss.

Thatís how it had happened. Kim had kissed her smack dab in the middle of the doctorís lounge. Kerry had gone through the rest of her shift in a state of near shock. The only coherent thought that ran through her head was that Kim had kissed her. Kerry thanked god that the rest of her shift had been slow.

I donít need anymore friends.

Things had gotten complicated from there. It didnít take long. Suddenly Kim became a very big part of her life. What had started out simple had gotten very complicated very fast. Kerry tried to live in the moment but there was always doubt in her mind and then suddenly things changed again.

Kim had wanted more. Kim wanted Kerry. Kerry however wasnít sure what that meant. She had never been in this place before. Here she was sitting in Doc Magoo's and her entire life was flashing in front of her eyes. This wasnít a life or death situation, her life wasnít supposed to be flashing before her eyes.

But it was.

"I'd like you to stay,"

Before she knew it the words were out of her mouth. It was a simple act but it had taken all of Kerryís courage to say them. She held her breath and waited while the emotions played on Kimís face.

Part 2: Of Fear

Go back to your life, Kerry.

Kerry Weaver hated herself. She hated herself with a passion. In a single moment she had gone against everything she had ever believed about herself and the world. In a single act she had destroyed everything.

Go back to your life, Kerry.

Kerry no longer had a life. She still had her job, but it was an empty existence without Kim. She had no one to talk to about how her day went. No one to snuggle up to in bed, and most of all, no one to tell how much she hurt inside.

Kerry hated the fact that she had let Romano turn her into a cowering little child. It just wasnít like her. Even as a child she had never been THAT scared.

Kerry went through her days only half there. She had found out that the charges against Kim had been dropped. They should never have been brought in the first place. Everyone knew it.

Kerry knew she had lost the respect of some of the people in the ER. Rumors had run ramped about what had happened that horrible day. Everyone knew what she had doneÖwhat she had failed to do.

Kerry couldnít help but see the irony in the citation. After all the effort she had put in to keeping her little secret for fear that she would lose their respect, she had done just that. They still treated her much the same way they did before but she could see it in their eyes, they doubted her.

Kerry re-rounded the moment in her mind almost constantly, trying to figure out what went wrong. It would have been so simple. A simple act was all that was need. Anyone else it would have been so simple. But it wasnít anyone else. It was Kim. All Kim had needed was a simple act.

Go back to your life, Kerry.

Kerry had no life without Kim.

 

Part 3: Of Courage

Kerry stood in the elevator in a state of shock. Did she just do what she thought she had just done? Did she just out herself to the biggest homophobe in County Hospital?

It wasnít supposed to have happened like that. Kerry hadnít intended for things to go that far. She didnít even know she was saying it until the words were out of her lips.

Romano had simply backed her into a corner. He had pushed her one to many times, and this time she had pushed back.

She crutched out of the elevator and into her office and sat down. After a few moments she began to laugh. It was a freeing and semi-insane laugh. The kind of laugh evil madmen get when they are devising an evil plan. She was just thankful no one came in to bother her. They would have thought she had completely lost it.

When she had stopped laughing she sat there in silence and felt a strange contentment wash over her. The world had not come to an end. The mouth of Hell had not opened. She was gay. She had said it out loud. Maybe it was too late to save her relationship with Kim but it wasnít too late to save herself.

A simple act of anger, courage, and a little bit of blinding insanity, had gotten her back a little of what she had lost.

For the first time in a long time she felt free.

 

Part 4: Of Forgiveness

It had been nearly a week since her little announcement to Romano not much had changed in Kerryís life. Well except for the occasional strange looks she got from her staff. Kerry wasnít sure how much they knew. She wasnít sure she wanted to know. It really didnít matter as long as the work in the ER didnít suffer.

"Hi Kerry."

Kerry looked up and saw Kim standing in front of her. She had gone to get a quick bite at Doc Magoo's before heading home. Now she was staring at the face of the woman she loved.

"KiÖDoctor Legaspi." Kerry stuttered, "What can I do for you?"

Kim sat down across from Kerry, "I just wanted toÖ.I know what you did in the menís bathroom."

Kerry nodded but said nothing.

"Thank you." Kim said after a moment and then took Kerryís hand.

Kerry sat there a brief moment and then panic struck again. She withdrew her hand.

"What do you want Kim?"

"Iím sorry. I didnít mean."

Kerry stood up and with her back towards Kim she began to speak, "I canít do this, Kim. IÖI..I donít know what you want. First you want me out of your life. I got out of your lifeÖnow what do you want from me Kim? Do you want us to be friends? Lovers? What do you want Kim?"

"I'd like you to stay,"

Kerry froze. Those where the same words she had said so long ago. Now Kim was saying them. Kerry wasnít sure what to do. It would be so easy, such a simple act to walk out the door. Kerry knew it was the smart thing to do. No matter how much she loved Kim, she knew that they just caused each other pain. It would be so simple....

But somehow she knew she couldnít go. The only thing she could do was sit down across from Kim and hope that this particular simple act wasnít one sheíd regret later.

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