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The final 2 episodes of Birds of Prey will air as one 2 hour movie on February 19th from 8-10 p.m. on the WB (doublecheck local times and dates)

Poetry Feelings by Janine

Author: Janine
I do not own the characters of Helena, Barbara, Dinah, Batman, and Catwoman etc. They are the property of DC comics and I suppose the WB network and the creators of Smallville and Tollin/Robbins (geez, this is beginning to feel like an Oscar speech) etcetera, etcetera. I’m just borrowing them for a short period of time.
Birds of Prey (WB)
R (for language and sexual situations)
A moment of indiscretion … months of indecision … time to make a choice.

| Parts 1-4 | Parts 5 - End |

Poetry Feelings



Helena could feel Barbara’s eyes on her as she went through her workout routine. Felt Barbara’s green eyes following every push up and lunge and kick she made. She had noticed the redhead looking at her more and more over the past month or so, and was secretly pleased with it though she’d made no comment on it to Barbara. She knew that if Barbara was aware of the fact that she was aware of the fact that she had been staring at her, she would make a concerted effort to stop and Helena didn’t necessarily want that. She liked the flirting, she was good at the flirting, and she liked being watched.

Lifting her hand up to her head, Helena brushed a few strands of wet hair out of her face and grinned at Barbara, before strutting her way over to the other woman and sitting down cross legged in front to her.

"Well?" she asked, a teasing grin gracing her features as she looked up into Barbara’s eyes.

"Well what?" Barbara asked somewhat distractedly, her eyes focused on a bead of sweat that was dripping down Helena’s neck, slowly making its way to her chest, before disappearing between her breasts.

"Any helpful tips, or are my ass kicking skills still in top form?" Helena asked noticing the distraction in Barbara’s voice and where her eyes were focused. For her part, as she asked the question her eyes were focused on Barbara’s lips, watching intently as the redhead’s tongue slipped out from behind their protective wall to lick at them unconsciously. It was sexy. It was very sexy. "You have been looking at my form right?" Helena continued as Barbara seemed to consider her question, her eyes roaming the redhead’s body. She was keyed up. She was very keyed up.

"Are we still talking about your workout?" Barbara asked finally, her words catching in her throat a bit, as she noticed how Helena was looking at her. Her lips were upturned impishly, and her eyes focused on her with a startling intensity, and yet twinkling naughtily. Barbara swallowed audibly and shifted in her seat. She was beginning to feel as hot as Helena looked.

"I know I’m not," Helena replied noticing Barbara’s reaction to her and having it fuel her fire even more. Raising herself up and tucking her legs underneath Helena placed her hands on Barbara’s denim clad legs and slowly rubbed them up and down, her eyes on Barbara’s all the while. She knew the redhead wouldn’t be able to feel it per say, but that wasn’t the point, it was the reaction to what the motion implied that she was interested in. So when Barbara’s breath hitched in her throat and her lips parted allowing a small sigh to be released, Helena smiled and pushed upwards so that she was kneeling in front of Barbara bringing them almost eye-to-eye.

Slowly sliding her hands up to Barbara’s waist, Helena leaned into the other woman so that the lower parts of their bodies were in contact - Barbara’s knees bumping against her thighs – but so that there was still space between them. She felt Barbara’s hand come to rest on her cheek, the redhead’s thumb brushing against her lips, tracing them slowly. She tilted her head into the contact, finding the familiarity of the gesture almost unbearably erotic.

Looking up into Barbara’s eyes, Helena placed her hand lightly on Barbara’s wrist and dipped her head forward, drawing Barbara’s thumb into her mouth, her lips slowly sliding down the length of the digit and back up again, licking and sucking as her eyes drifted close.

Barbara watched as Helena’s eyes darkened and then hooded, there was something primal in the brunette’s look and touch that excited her beyond belief. Helena’s touch was soft, but Barbara could feel a tenseness in the brunette’s body, she could feel how it was coiled ready to spring into action at any moment.

The truth was she was surprised by the overtness of Helena’s actions. It had been clear to both of them, especially in the past month or so that a mutual attraction existed between them, and while she knew that she would have been interested in exploring it, Helena had seemed content to merely flirt, tossing out suggestive comments almost leering at her one moment, and then she would seem utterly uninterested the next.

The truth of the matter was that Helena would flirt with just about anyone, the brunette could just be staring at a potted plant and make it look sexy. So Barbara didn’t dare to think that she was more than a passing thought that sometimes tickled the brunette’s fancy. And while that thought saddened her somewhat, she was also kind of relieved by it, because as amazing as they could potentially be together, there was also the potential of a spectacular explosion.

But she had never worried about having to make a choice about whether to risk it or not, because she had never truly believed it was a possibility. In fact, knowing Helena as she did, she wasn’t even entirely certain that it was a possibility now. After all, the brunette was the person who had once commented; ‘just cause I might wanna fuck somebody doesn’t mean I want to go to Christmas dinner at the folks’.

But before she could think about it anymore, she felt Helena’s lips brush against hers, and she could feel the heat radiating off of the brunette’s body, seeping into her, as Helena entered her mouth. And suddenly, she wasn’t thinking so much.

Helena moaned as she felt Barbara’s lips part allowing her to deepen the kiss. Her heart was thundering in her chest, and her head pounding exhilaratingly as her blood rushed through her veins so rapidly she thought that she could hear it. She wanted Barbara badly; she wanted her that moment, right there … repeatedly. She wanted to make her buck, and scream and moan. She wanted to see Barbara’s head tilted back, her body overcome with pleasure as her name was raggedly torn from Barbara’s kissed bruised lips, reverberating off of the walls around them. And then …

Her hand slipped under Barbara’s shirt, caressing the heated skin she found there …

And then, what?

…She kissed her way down Barbara’s neck hungrily, her left hand trailing up the redhead’s torso to cup her breast through her bra, her thumb roughly rubbing across the material as Barbara grasped the back of her head by her hair and pulled Helena closer to her.

… What afterwards?

She could feel Barbara’s free hand on her waist as they leaned into each other, kissing hungrily, almost desperately, Barbara brusquely tugging at her tank top successfully pulling it out of the waistband of her pants. And while Barbara’s hand slipped underneath her own shirt, her nails dragging deliciously up and across the flesh she found there, Helena explored as much as the redhead’s skin as she could underneath the confines of her shirt.

… And then what? Afterwards, as they lay together in a sweaty tangle, she’d extract herself and get dressed, say she’d call and go home never to be seen or heard from again? No, that wouldn’t work this time. It was Barbara after all, her friend, her partner, her confidant, and family. It was Barbara. She couldn’t get some and get lost with Barbara, she’d have to stick around and talk about her emotions … she would have to … could she even … did she even want to … what if she couldn’t … maybe this wasn’t such a good…

Suddenly Helena pulled away, her hand slipped out from underneath Barbara’s shirt and she and leaned back onto her hunches causing Barbara’s hands to fall away from her as she sat there, her chest rising and falling rapidly as her heart pounding and her blood still raced through her veins, her eyes wide and panicky.

"I’m sorry," she mumbled suddenly, blinking rapidly as she stood up. "I shouldn’t have done that. I…" she continued bouncing on her feet lightly. She still wanted to, so badly. Barbara wanted it too, she could just … but Barbara, Barbara liked the talking and the relationship stuff and she wasn’t so good with that and … "with the workout, things were flowing and … I got a little… sorry. Just, sorry," she finished looking at Barbara as she tugged at the bottom of her shirt trying to straighten it out, make it look presentable, even though it was fine.

"Helena," Barbara started to say, not sure exactly what had freaked the other woman out. Sure she hadn’t said, ‘Helena please come ravage me’, but she hadn’t resisted, not even close, she wasn’t even on the same continent as resistance. She didn’t understand why Helena would think that she didn’t want …

"No," Helena said firmly, looking Barbara in the eye. She wasn’t going to do this; she wasn’t going to hurt Barbara by fucking her and then fucking it up. Not Barbara. "I shouldn’t have done that," she continued running her hand through her hair. Her body was still humming with excitement but she had managed to get her voice and speech under control again. "I can’t … I’m sorry. I should go," she finished starting towards the door.

"Helena," Barbara said protesting. Dammit, she couldn’t think properly, her body was all flush and her mind hazy. She couldn’t follow what was going on, only that Helena was going, abruptly, and that wasn’t a good thing. "Helena wait …" she called out again starting after the brunette who had not stopped moving.

"I’ll call you," Helena said turning around to face Barbara briefly before looking away again and wincing. "I mean I’ll be by tomorrow, there’s the park thing you know," she continued trying to undo the damage of the kiss of death, ‘I’ll call you’ comment. There was going to be a huge concert at New Gotham Park the next night, and Barbara had gotten some troubling reports about something big and of the bad variety going down there. She was supposed to check it out. She had to come back tomorrow they worked together. "Tomorrow," she went on stepping into the elevator. "I’ll bring dinner," and with that the elevator door closed leaving Barbara staring at it helplessly.


Part 1


Barbara listened quietly as Helena chattered on about how much of an ordeal it had been to pick up dinner; she’d hit every red light, the restaurant she was going to go to was closed, her foot itched but she couldn’t take it off of the pedal, did Barbara know that dogs could walk on their hind legs for a good thirty seconds? She couldn’t remember if it was sesame seeds Barbara was allergic to so she got both kinds of chicken, it was unseasonably warm outside wasn’t it? …

"Helena," Barbara said finally cutting into the brunette’s endless dialogue. It wasn’t that Helena didn’t spin an amusing tale. In fact she usually enjoyed it immensely when the brunette was in such a talkative mood. She could catch up on month’s worth of conversation in one sitting. It was very economical. But she wasn’t in the mood for that at the moment; they had more important things to discuss.

"Right, breathe," Helena said looking over at Barbara, her head nodding and her eyebrows raising as if to say ‘silly me’. "Anyway, you enjoy, I’m going to head over to the park," she continued with a little wave before heading for the exit.

"You’re going?" Barbara asked not even trying to hide her exasperation. Helena had been there for the egregiously long period of maybe fifteen minutes.

"To the park," Helena returned pretending not to notice Barbara’s cross tone. "Go on, eat up. I’ll sign on when I get there," and before Barbara could argue with her and insist that they needed to talk again, Helena was in the elevator and on her way out.


"Gerbils. Genetically engineered killer gerbils. Really, could you think of anything more terrifying? Could there be an easier way to infiltrate the homes of patriotic unsuspecting Americans? I don’t think so," Helena said into the transceivers with a mockingly serious tone. "Look into it," she went on, her eyes scanning the park as she dodged the occasional burning piles of … clothes?

Helena looked up just in time to see a topless woman walk by her and twirl around to wink at Helena as she went past, holding the brunette’s eyes for a moment before turning back around and continuing on her way. Helena smiled; maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to be on duty tonight after all. Tilting her head in the direction the woman had gone Helena caught her still staring at her. She was definitely going to have to start going to more concerts.

Helena smiled again and took a step forward.

"Do you think you could be serious, for like, just a moment longer than it takes your cells to divide," Barbara said her voice filling the transceivers making Helena’s step falter. See, this was just her point. She couldn’t be going and thinking, and planning to do stupid, sluttish things like she was just going to do if she was with Barbara. The redhead would frown on that, and then probably beat her with a big, hard stick. It was just that she couldn’t help herself; she was like a slave to the music … only not so much music. She just wasn’t relationship material.

She was a huntress.

"How long does that take? Cause if it’s longer than like nanoseconds, I don’t know if I’m equipped for such a long term commitment," Helena replied, her words carrying a kind of double meaning that wasn’t lost on her.

"So this is how it’s going to be?" Barbara asked, her voice soft and ragged as she struggled to keep her emotions in check. She didn’t know why she was surprised, this was how Helena was, and it was why she had never entertained the thought of being with the brunette in the near future. She may have loved Helena – including everything from her emotional issues to the fact that if it was cold outside the brunette would take her jacket off and drape it over Barbara’s shoulders without a word – but Helena wasn’t yet ready to be loved in return. Barbara wondered if she ever would be, if she could wait for her to be.

"Looks like," Helena responded. She wasn’t an idiot or clueless. She could hear the pain in Barbara’s voice, but she also understood that sometimes pain was inevitable. That being said she was going to do whatever she could to minimize the pain she had to inflict upon Barbara. She knew the other woman, and she knew that she couldn’t give her what she needed. Barbara was always about having more than a good time and she … well she was all about having a good time and the climbing out the window before the clean up the next day. It was better this way, she’d stick to her nocturnal distractions, and Barbara could go back to dating unsuccessfully, and they’d stay up and eat ice cream together. Everything would be fine.

The other end of the transceiver was quiet for a long moment, and then Helena heard a soft click in her ear. "Check over by the rec center, if they’re actually moving contraband they’ve got to be moving it from somewhere," she said her voice a bit flatter than usual but otherwise unremarkable, the soft sound of typing filtering into Helena’s head through the small device attached to her ear.

"And that would be what way?" Helena asked relieved to see that Barbara was willing to drop it. "With all the people out here it’s like the Great Wall of Gotham," she continued smiling. That was a pretty good one … she waited expectantly for the sound of Barbara’s laughter through the transceiver.

It never came.

"Just a second, I’m checking the satellite link up," Barbara said by way of response, her voice distant and dull.

Helena bit her lip thoughtfully. Maybe … no, no things would work out alright, Barbara was just feeling a bit rejected, that was all. They were a duo. A dynamite duo if she did say so herself. And duos by definition consisted of two people. She was a key component of this duo. Really she was the thing separating it from being an uno. Besides, she’d done lots of stupid things since she’d known Barbara and she and the redhead had always been fine in the end. And this time …

"Right," Barbara said a second later disrupting Helena’s thoughts.

"Thanks," Helena replied. She never said thanks. She usually just grunted some reply and ran off. Barbara would like that, that she said thanks.

The other end of the transceiver remained quiet.

"Well, I’m going then. Right," Helena continued slightly alarmed by the fact that she missed the sound of Barbara endless chatting into her ear. If she was speaking with someone, or saving them the redhead was usually quiet just listening to her do her thing, but otherwise it was like an exercise in stream of consciousness. She actually found it kind of amusing and interesting, since even though she was usually privy to practically every step of Barbara’s thought process, she usually still couldn’t follow where the redhead pulled most her conclusions from.

"Okay," came Barbara’s response. This was followed by more silence.

Helena sighed. This was just great. She was being treated like someone who didn’t call and she didn’t even get to have any sex. There was no justice in the world. But then again, she supposed, that’s why you’re out here isn’t it?


Part 2


"What’re ya doin’?" Helena asked playfully sidling up behind Barbara, her head already tilting to the side so that she could see over the redhead’s shoulder.

"Grading papers," Barbara responded mockingly though she smiled as she turned to face Helena. "Just like I was five minutes ago, and five minutes before that, and five minutes before that," she continued pausing momentarily to suck in a breath. "And five minutes before that, and five minutes before that, and …"

"Are you trying to tell me something?" Helena asked grinning back at her knowingly. She’d already been through the entire Ikea catalogue, and an issue of People, and Teen People, and shown Dinah how to bust a perp’s nose in one easy motion. She was bored. No, she Bored. And there was no cure for boredom like bothering Barbara. Actually Barbara was a pretty good cure for just about anything.

"No," Barbara said shaking her head, "never," she went on sarcastically as she returned her attention to the paper resting in front of her.

"Let’s go out," Helena said shimmying her way in between Barbara and the desk, promptly setting her ass on the paper the redhead had been looking at. "We never go any place nice anymore? Has the romance died?" she continued laughing as Barbara pushed on her thighs trying to get her to move. "That kinda tickles … do it again," she went on as one of Barbara’s hands slipped dangerously close to her posterior end in an attempt to move her.

The moment the words had come out of her mouth, Helena wished she could shove them back in, but they were out there now and she knew that it was inevitable that Barbara would immediately withdraw her hands and place a respectable distance between them. Sexual innuendo wasn’t so much appreciated around the clock tower anymore. It was the one thing that had seemed to be irreconcilably changed between the two of them. Looking and touching were a-okay; they were just not to be talked about under any circumstances whatsoever.

"That’s because you’ve been banned from anyplace classy enough to have those ‘no shoes, no shirt, no service’ signs," Barbara said her voice a little less playful than before but still friendly and conversational. Moving her chair back a bit she then looked up and over at Helena cocking her head to the side indicting that the brunette really should get her ass of her desk.

"There’s been a lot of construction in the city, I’m sure we can find someplace that hasn’t heard about me yet," Helena replied finally relenting and standing up, allowing Barbara back at her homework. "Come on, nothing is going on," she continued waving absently at all of the non-flashing computer monitors in the loft, "and you’re the teacher, you don’t have to hand things back on time. It’s your prerogative. Prerogative," she emphasized.

"I need to get these back before midterms," Barbara replied, though she set the paper she was looking at back down nonetheless and looked over at Helena, her face inscrutable. "Besides, if things stay so slow …" she went on looking at the blank screens for a moment, her voice trailing off.

"Sentence fragments are nobody’s friend Barbara. There was, you know, an end to that wasn’t there?" Helena asked smiling widely when Barbara turned back around to face her and rolled her eyes. The fact was that if there was one thing cuter in the entire world than Barbara’s ‘so deep in thought the coast guard is looking for me’ face, it was her ‘I’m trying to look annoyed even though I’m actually amused’ face.

"Wade asked me up north for the weekend, if things stay slow I was thinking of going," Barbara replied, her eyes back on the essay in front of her.

"Wade? For the weekend?" Helena asked incredulously. The truth was going away for the weekend didn’t sound like a bad idea, in fact it sounded like a great idea. Fresh air, nature, blackened marshmallows, and warm, fluffy blankets were all ingredients for good times. Away for the weekend with Wade, however, was an entirely different story. Barbara never went away, getting Barbara to go to the grocery store was like an epic fucking battle, and she was going to go away for the weekend with Wade? Wade!

"Yeah, just an hour or so out of city. There’s a Bed and Breakfast … apparently," Barbara responded not sure what to make of the expression on Helena’s face. She thought the brunette looked somewhat confused and horrified.

"A Bed and Breakfast? You’re gonna go to a Bed and Breakfast?" Helena asked blinking rapidly as she looked at Barbara. What was this the fucking Twilight Zone? Barbara was going to ditch her to go ‘up north’ with some guy named Wade who was surprised by the fact tragedies were depressing? Barbara was taking vacations with stupid people now?

"Yes," Barbara responded slowly as Helena pushed away from her desk and walked a few steps before spinning around to face her once more.

"You can’t be serious?" Helena asked though it sounded more like declaration. "Are you stupid?" she continued her hand making emphatic gestures. She was feeling kind of hot all over, and had a slightly nauseous feeling in her stomach. Maybe she was sick. She didn’t feel well. Why the hell hadn’t she thought to ask Barbara to go up north for the weekend? Then she realized that it was because she wasn’t dating Barbara, but that only seemed to make her more agitated.

"I’m gonna ignore the last part of that for health reasons … yours," Barbara said looking at Helena pointedly, her tone not at all amused, "and say that, yes, I am serious."

"This is retarded," Helena exclaimed completely missing Barbara’s expression and tone. "Why are you wasting so much time with him?" she asked sounding perplexed and exasperated. Barbara was always talking to Wade and going out in public with him. It wasn’t at all necessary. "You’re just fucking him right?"

Stony silence met her query and finally, Helena focused on Barbara and saw her expression.

"Sorry, you don’t like that word," she continued in a conciliatory tone noting how very unimpressed with her Barbara looked. "What I meant was, you’re not serious about him are you? It’s like biological right?"

"Tact is a completely foreign concept to you isn’t it?" Barbara asked, her expression staid and her tone dry as she watched Helena. Truthfully she wondered why the hell Helena cared, she’d been a staunch supporter of her going out and getting some, practically trying to pimp her to Wade, and now she was getting all pissy. The brunette was infuriating. She was rude, and unpredictable, and rude, and moody, and rude … and Barbara wanted to grab her and kiss her senseless.

"I’m a firm believer in the 'tell it like it is' approach to interpersonal relations," Helena responded. "Well? Are you?" she continued wanting to get back to the matter at hand.

Barbara stared at her for a moment after that, her eyes burning into Helena’s, before she lowered her gaze and bent over the paper she had been marking before once again. She was pretty sure that if she stared at the paper and sung a show tune - or maybe a catchy jingle - to herself inside of her head, she’d be able to effectively ignore Helena.

"It won’t work out," Helena went on when Barbara ignored her. She knew that she should shut up, really she did. She knew that she was acting like an ass, a big, stupid ass. She knew that what she was saying was completely inappropriate - especially considering the shaky ground they’d been on only months before - and that she should just stop talking. But she couldn’t. She just couldn’t. It was just that … the whole thing was just … "He doesn’t even know you!" she exclaimed loudly, her hand moving wildly.

"And what?" Barbara asked angrily, after Helena totally shit on her brilliant ‘ignoring plan’. "If he did he couldn’t possibly want to be with me. Is that it?" Barbara asked turning on Helena again. Her voice was rough with emotion and with hurt, and she was forced to turn away from Helena and back to her work as soon as she’d caught a glimpse of the brunette.

Coming from Helena - with what had happened between them before, or more precisely with what hadn’t happened before, and since - the conversation, if it could be called that, was almost too much for her. If Helena didn’t want to be with her that was one thing, she’d certainly had enough opportunities too rectify the situation since the day they had kissed if she’d wanted to, but yelling about how nobody else should either was really too much.

"I didn’t say that," Helena replied softly though her eyes refused to meet Barbara’s. That couldn’t have been farther from the truth, from what she was thinking and feeling. The more you knew about Barbara the more you couldn’t help but love her. Barbara’s layers were what made her so … so! Without knowing those layers Wade couldn't deserve her, because he couldn’t know her. Could he? No. Barbara wouldn’t let him. Would she? No. No. He could never know her, not really. So he could never deserve her, he would never be good enough. Barbara deserved better, the best, to be loved completely, she deserved …

"What are you saying?" Barbara asked removing her glasses with a slightly shaking hand. She felt like throwing them at Helena … and then maybe a monitor or two.

"Just that …" Helena started, stopping momentarily to sigh. "This whole fucking Wade thing is a waste of time. I mean what the hell comes next? Is he gonna move into the loft and bake muffins tops with us?" she asked derisively, mocking the cover story about an on-line baking business that Barbara had been using to explain her frequent absences to Wade. "Is he gonna go on donut runs when we’re burning the midnight batter? Keep a pot of coffee on for fudge emergencies?" she asked pacing in circles. "You’re the one that’s always going on about this secret identity, it’s a legacy, we’re duty bound, you can run but you’ll always come back, sanctimonious bullshit and now you’re gonna what? You’re gonna drop it all for a roll in the hay and some apple cider?" she went on contemptuously rounding on Barbara. "Dad would be so proud of you, following in his footsteps all the way. You’ll write though, won’t you?" she finished finally stopping her cycle of pacing.

Barbara stared at Helena for a long moment after the brunette had finished her little tirade, not even knowing where to begin tackling how wrong, and insulting, and wrong, and self-pitying, and wrong, reckless, and wrong, and hurtful, and WRONG what had just been said was.

She did know one thing though she was pissed off. Irrationally, inordinately, violently, exceedingly, exceptionally pissed off.

"Go," Barbara said her voice hard as she calmly replaced her glasses. "Sweep, home … I don’t really care. Just go. Now," she continued her voice flinty and resolute, her back turned to Helena as she leaned over her desk once more. She was not making a request. Helena would go. Immediately.

Helena stood there for a moment longer looking at Barbara after the redhead had dismissed her. Screwing her eyes shut, she sighed and turned around. She’d managed to fuck that up spectacularly. She didn’t know why she was surprised though, that’s what she seemed to be best at, fucking things up. Maybe she’d discovered another super power, the ability to never do anything remotely important to her right.

"You’re such an ass."

Helena looked up as she neared the door to see Dinah standing in the doorway of the kitchen, glaring at her, arms folded across her chest.

"I just wanted to go out for dinner," Helena muttered rather pathetically, knowing that she was indeed an ass.

"Why can’t you just be happy for her?" Dinah responded, her head turning to look over in Barbara’s direction before turning back to shoot death rays at Helena. She had an idea what Helena’s little tirade was all about, but it just made her think Helena was an even bigger ass since she’d been the one pushing Barbara to go out with him in the first place.

"I …" Helena began to respond before promptly stopping. Why couldn’t she just be happy for her? She didn’t know. "Whatever," she finally grumbled in Dinah’s direction before escaping into the elevator.

She hated domestic issues. They were always so messy.


Part 3


Helena stared in front of her, her head languidly resting against the wall behind her as she looked into the darkness of the room. She knew that she shouldn’t be there, but now that she was she couldn’t seem to make herself move. Her chest just rose and fell as she breathed silently as she remained a statue of flesh and blood.

"I thought you had gone," Barbara said into the darkness of her bedroom, her eyes focused just to the left of her doorframe though nothing seemed to be there.

Helena blinked upon hearing the redhead’s voice. Her mind had drifted so far that she hadn’t realized Barbara had woken up.

"I had," Helena replied softly, her voice emanating from the exact spot Barbara was staring at. "I forgot something. Had to come back. To get it," she continued, the shadows shifting slightly as she took a step forwards so that Barbara could actually make out her form.

"What are you doing in here?" Barbara asked pointedly shifting upwards so that her arms supported her as she looked at Helena.

Helena laughed awkwardly in response to the question, shifting her weight uncomfortably from foot to foot before edging back towards the darkness near the door. She hadn’t counted on Barbara waking up and actually having to talk to her. "I just … wanted to ask you something," she finally responded, rushing her words as her eyes traced the lines of the hardwood of the floor beneath her feet.

The truth was she hadn’t been able to get their previous argument, and the reason for it, out of her mind, and somewhere after her tenth complementary shot, she’d become convinced that if she could just see Barbara she’d be able to figure out what the fuck had happened earlier and figure out how to make it better.

However, as she stood there looking at the other woman she had to wonder why the hell she had thought that. Being there was only making it worse. Not only did she not feel better about the situation, she was beginning to feel violent about it. She didn’t just want to curse Wade out anymore, she wanted to run off and beat on him. He just didn’t … Barbara was so … and he was so not …and…

"What?" Barbara asked somewhat tersely though she rolled her head to the side to look at Helena nonetheless. She was torn between telling Helena to shove it where the sun didn’t shine and going back to sleep, and wondering what could possibly be so important that Helena had felt the need to creep into her bedroom in the middle of the night after she had kicked her out only hours before.

"I … can’t remember now," Helena said lamely, her head lifting up once again to look over at Barbara, her gaze intense and focused. She had no trouble making out even the minutest detail about the redhead in the darkness of the room. She looked so soft, so vulnerable lying there in the darkness, her blanket pooling seductively at her waist. "Wasn’t important," she continued her gaze drifting towards the door as her voice trailed off pensively.

"Are you sure?" Barbara asked her gaze now intensely focused on Helena’s body, though she couldn’t make out as much in the way of details as Helena could. She remembered what had happened earlier, but she was too tired to be confrontational. "I’m up now, so …" she continued, shaking her head absently to try and remove a stray strand of hair that had fallen into her face, her hands were otherwise occupied with the whole keeping her upright thing.

"Yeah," Helena responded as crossed the distance from her spot by the door to the bed in a flash, her hand reaching out to gently brush the hair off of Barbara’s face, her fingers lingering for a long moment by the redhead’s jaw once she was done before she drew it back into her body and stepped back. "I’m okay," she continued moving further back, into the shadows once again. "I’m sorry I woke you," she went out, a soft exhalation following before she added, "I’m sorry about earlier too," she continued her face screwing up at the memory of it. "I’ll just … let you get back to sleep then," she finished her voice hesitant as if leaving was the last thing she wanted to do, though she would do it anyway.

"Hel…" Barbara started to say, intrigued by Helena’s tone despite herself. She couldn’t quite decipher the brunette’s mood, but she knew that whatever had brought Helena to her this late and drove her to speak as she had been, wasn’t nothing. It was something, something Barbara wanted to find out. But, before she could get the rest of the other woman’s name out of her mouth the door to her bedroom had closed and she was alone again.

Sighing, Barbara dropped back down onto the bed her head turning towards the door once it had hit the pillow.

She remained staring at the door contemplatively for long moments, before finally shaking her head. The skin of her cheek still burned with remembrance of the brunette’s gentle touch.

She shook her head again, sighing wearily. She hated it when she had absolutely no idea what was going on.


Part 4


Helena leaned over the clock tower railing, her eyes scanning the bright lights of the city below, a weary sigh escaping from her lips. She felt like repeatedly bashing her head against some hard, blunt object. The scent of Barbara’s shampoo was still tickling her olfactory senses, and her fingertips tingled with remembrance of the texture of Barbara’s hair as she had slid it off of the redhead’s face. She felt something powerful, and tender inside as she thought about it, about how Barbara had looked in peaceful slumber before she had sensed Helena’s presence and awoken. She didn’t feel like she had control over the feelings that were swelling inside of her, she was beginning to feel like a pebble swept away by the tide, drowned out by the sheer volume of her emotions. She hadn’t wanted to remove her hand from Barbara’s face, or step away from the redhead or leave the room. She had wanted to stay right where she was, with Barbara.

She was starting to freak out.

It was Barbara. She was having all of these Shakespearian poetry feelings and they were about Barbara. She didn’t want Shakespearian poetry feelings, not about anyone. She was fiercely opposed to Shakespearian poetry feelings, there was always blood, and angst, and lots of death. She knew about blood, and angst, and lots of death and she wasn’t about to be signing up for more of that shit voluntarily.

She was perfectly happy being her own island. ‘Get it and get out’ was her motto. As evidence of this being her creed she only had to consider Reese and how she was well on her way to those ends with him - she chose not to think about why she hadn’t actually done more than flirt with him even though she had had ample opportunities to take it further.

The point was that she just didn’t need this poetry shit in her life!

But there it was, Barbara and metaphors about flowers, and springs, and gentle summer breezes. She was getting the urge to cuddle and have conversations with her. Barbara’s lips now needed to be described as luscious and luxurious. And that smile, that fucking gorgeous smile. She wanted to go out into the night and buy every Galaxy chocolate bar in the city, because they were Barbara’s favorite and leave them around the loft as surprises. Not for any reason, but just because.

But that didn’t mean … did it? No … but … it did! Oh, for fuck’s sake!

She was in love. She was in love with Barbara, and redhead was about to be going off to a Bed and Breakfast with some jackass named after a type of pool, because it’d taken her too long to realize it. Because she’d been scared to commit, to actually admit that she might need someone in her life, that maybe she wasn’t an island after all.

She’d had her chance with Barbara. She realized that now. That day in the training room, as she had gone through her routine and Barbara had watched. Barbara had been scared like her, but had also been willing open up to her in that last way. And she’d tested the water and decided not to swim. She’d been convinced at the time that it wouldn’t work, that they would’ve slept together that afternoon and then afterwards she’d have done some insensitive, jackass thing and ruined everything. She’d been convinced that she wasn’t ready for it to work.

But she’d come around now, she’d grown up, she understood. She was ready to be with Barbara now, to be good with her and for her.

Helena slumped down onto the ground and dropped her head into her hands. Why did everything have be so fucked up just when she’d figured it all out?

Continue to Parts 5 - End

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