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"See those footprints?" Xena asked as she pointed at the
snow. "Those are the ones you made running away from me."
Gabrielle bent to study the prints for a moment.
"And see these?" Xena said, moving on. "These are the
tracks I made running after you." She walked a few paces further
and pointed to another spot. "Here's where I fell down."
Gabrielle came up beside her. "Did you hurt yourself?" she
asked, peering down at the snow.
"No," Xena said with a grin. "I was just mad because I
couldn't seem to catch up with you. That's when I decided to use the
chakram. I threw it from right here."
They moved on across the field and Xena pointed to another spot.
"Here's where you fell. How's your head, by the way?"
"It hurts some, but it's not too bad, really."
"I've got willow bark in my herb bag, but I left it at the
"How long will it take us to get there?"
"An hour, more or less. That's about how long it took to climb
up here." She stopped and looked down the trail. "These rocks
are slippery, Gabrielle, so just take your time and be careful."
"Okay," said the younger woman, smiling.
Xena smiled back, letting her eyes linger for a moment on her lover's
face. Then she turned and began climbing down over the rocks.
It was slow going, but by helping each other down over the steep
places, they made fairly steady progress. Xena found that having her arm
tied helped her balance, but she still felt a bit awkward climbing
one-handed. Oh well, she would get used to it in time, she supposed.
As they went, she told Gabrielle about the battle with the serpent.
"I almost had it," she finished. "I almost had my hands
around its scaly little throat, but then--" She stopped speaking
and studied the trail in front of her, looking for a good way to get
down over a particularly large boulder.
"But then what?" asked Gabrielle, stopping behind her.
"Let's try this," Xena said, then squatted on the top of
the boulder and slid down its icy surface. Landing nimbly on her feet,
she reached her hand back for Gabrielle, who decided to slide down on
her seat rather than her feet.
"That was fun," she said, laughing, when she landed beside
the warrior. "Except now I've got a cold butt."
"That's why I didn't use mine," Xena said with a grin. Then
she turned and started down the mountainside again.
"Tell me the rest of the story," Gabrielle said.
"Oh, didn't I finish it?"
"No. You were just about to get ahold of the serpent and
"Hmm," said Xena as she considered just how much of the
story she wanted to tell. "Well, what happened was the serpent got
away. It was thrashing around a lot and I guess I didn't hold the forked
staff tightly enough. Anyway, I slipped and it got loose, and that's
when it bit me." She stopped speaking for a moment to catch her
breath, surprised to realize how heavy and tired her legs felt. "It
hurt so much that I thought I was going to pass out," she went on,
glancing back at Gabrielle, "but I didn't. I grabbed the serpent
with my left hand and squeezed as hard as I could."
"So you strangled it with only one hand?"
"Yeah. Well, I didn't have much of a choice."
"What was I doing? Did I help you at all?"
"At that point, you seemed to be mostly thinking about running
away," Xena said with half a grin.
"But why? I still don't understand why I wanted to run
"Let's talk about it later," Xena said. "The trail is
leveling out a little, so maybe we can pick up the pace." She
stopped to look back at Gabrielle. "How are you doing?" she
asked. "Do you want to rest for a minute?"
"No, I'm all right. Just keep going. I know we need to get there
Xena glanced at the sun, now low in the sky, then started forward
again. But a few paces further on, she suddenly felt dizzy and had to
pause for a moment to let her vision clear. Glancing back to see if
Gabrielle had noticed, she was glad to find that the younger woman was
busy watching the trail, concentrating on her footing. Xena forced
herself to take a few deep breaths, then set off once more at a fairly
good pace. For some time, everything was fine, but then, without
warning, the dizziness came again, and as the world began to spin around
her, she clutched at a nearby boulder for support.
Instantly, Gabrielle was beside her, wrapping an arm around her
waist. "Xena, what's wrong? Are you sick?"
"No, I-- I just got a little short of breath and all of a sudden
I felt light-headed." She looked at her friend and was relieved to
see everything coming back into focus. "I'm all right now. Let's
just go on," she said.
"No, you're not all right. Come over here and sit down for a
Xena let Gabrielle steer her to a low rock where the two of them sat
down. The younger woman then pressed her hands against Xena's forehead
and cheeks, frowning in puzzlement as she did so.
"You're a little warm, but you don't seem feverish," she
said. "Is your arm bothering you? Do you think the snakebite is
making you sick?"
"No, my arm is just as numb as ever. I'm probably just tired. Or
maybe it's the altitude."
"Yeah. We are on a mountain, after all."
"I've never heard you complain about altitude bothering you
"Gabrielle, we've never climbed a mountain together
"Oh yeah. Good point." The bard was silent for several
moments, staring thoughtfully into the distance, then she asked,
"Did the altitude bother you on the way up the mountain?"
"No, not that I remember."
"And did it bother you up on top, when you were fighting the
"Then why would it bother you now, when you're going down the
Xena shrugged. "Maybe it just took a while to get to me."
Gabrielle looked at her and sighed. "Well, I have trouble
believing that altitude is the problem."
"Okay, maybe I'm just tired."
"Maybe so," she said, smiling and putting her hand on
Xena's thigh. "You've had a hard day--that's for sure."
"Yes, I have, and it's not over yet," Xena said with a
grin. "Now, let's get going."
They got up and started down the trail again.
"How much farther is it?" Gabrielle asked.
"Not far. See where the trees start growing, down there along
the slope? Our campsite's down there."
* * * * *
A few more minutes of steady walking brought them to the treeline,
and Xena led the way off the trail.
"Where's Argo?" asked Gabrielle.
"Probably out looking for something to eat. Let's see if I can
whistle with my left hand," she said and stuck two fingers in her
mouth. The result was a little weak--not so much because she was using
the wrong hand as because she still felt so short of breath. The second
attempt was better, and soon the mare emerged from among the trees
further down the slope. She greeted Xena with a sloppy nuzzle on the
cheek. The warrior laughed and began to stroke the velvety nose. Then,
turning to Gabrielle, she said, "We stashed the gear behind those
big rocks over there. Look and see if there's an apple for this nice
horse we found."
Gabrielle went behind the rocks and soon returned with a shiny red
apple. "Where'd all those furs come from?" she asked.
"Elkton loaned them to us. He sent quite a bit of food along,
"So I noticed. I'll cook you up a nice, hot meal tonight. That
will make you feel better."
Xena grinned. "I'm looking forward to it," she said,
watching Argo crunch the apple. "Why don't you go ahead and start
setting up camp? I'll gather firewood."
"No, Xena, I think you should rest. I can take care of
"No, you can't. The sun is setting and soon it will be too dark
to find wood. We've got to have a lot of it because we need to keep a
fire going all night to stay warm. I'm feeling fine now. Don't worry
"Okay," Gabrielle said, but she sounded unconvinced.
Xena turned and headed downhill to where the trees grew bigger and
closer together. She had to go some distance before she began to find
much dead wood, though, and she quickly discovered that without an extra
arm to hold it, she was pretty much limited to carrying what she could
pick up in one hand. Stopping for a moment to think, she laid down the
sticks she'd collected, took off her cloak, and spread it out on the
ground. Then, working as quickly as she could, she piled it full of
wood. The dizziness came again just as she was finishing, but she
stopped to wait and the spell soon passed. As soon as it was gone, she
bent down to gather up the corners of the cloak, hoisted the bundle onto
her back and headed for the campsite.
"Where do you want the fire?" she asked, stopping to try to
catch her breath.
Gabrielle, who was spreading out the furs and blankets beside a large
boulder, stood up quickly. "I thought we could build it right
here," she said, pointing, and sleep between the fire and the rock.
That way maybe it will be warmer."
"Good plan," Xena said approvingly. She moved to the
designated spot and lowered her bundle.
"Xena, why are you carrying wood in your cloak? Look how dirty
you got it!"
"I'm using the cloak because it's the only way I can carry more
than two sticks at a time," Xena answered somewhat irritably.
"Oh. I'm sorry. I guess I forgot about your arm." Gabrielle
crouched beside the warrior and helped stack the wood.
When they finished, Xena stood up and shook the cloak out.
"Okay, I'm going back for another load," she said.
Gabrielle laid a hand on her arm. "I'll go get it," she
said. "You stay here and finish setting up camp, and maybe you can
get the fire started, too. I'm afraid you're going to get cold, using
your cloak to carry wood."
Xena looked down at her. "What if we both go this time, and then
you can go alone next time. We need a lot more wood and it's getting
They returned to the forest, piled the cloak full of wood, and then
carried it back between them. Xena stumbled just as they reached the
fire site, then dropped her end of the cloak and sank down on the furs.
Gabrielle put an arm around her shoulders. "Are you dizzy
again?" she asked.
"Yeah, a little."
"Why don't you lie down? I can take care of the firewood."
"No, I'm better now. I'll be all right."
Gabrielle hesitated for a moment, then began stacking the new wood
they had brought. When she finished, she brushed the leaves and dirt off
the cloak and wrapped it around Xena. "I'm going to get some more
wood," she said gently, "and I want you to just sit here and
"I'll get the fire started. I can do that much, anyway."
"Okay, if you feel like it. Otherwise, I can do it when I get
Xena nodded. "Go on, now, or you won't be able to see to find
Gabrielle bent and kissed the warrior quickly on the top of her head,
and then hurried off.
Xena sat still for several minutes, waiting for the light-headedness
to pass and for her breathing to ease up. When it did, she got slowly to
her feet and began collecting stones until she had enough for a fire
circle. Then she took the two flintstones and the tinder out of one of
the saddlebags. It was going to be tricky striking the stones together
using only one hand, but surely she could figure out a way to do it.
Scouting around, she found a small, flat rock, placed it in the center
of the ring of stones, and laid the kindling around it. She carefully
arranged the tinder and one flint on the flat rock, then struck this
flint sharply with the other one. But instead of producing a spark, the
action merely sent the first flint spinning off the edge of the rock.
With a frustrated sigh, Xena retrieved the flint, set it back in
place with another rock to help hold it, and tried again. This time she
got a spark, but before she could blow it into a flame, it died. A third
try sent the flint rolling away again, and a fourth try did the same.
Cursing under her breath, she grabbed the flint and set it in place once
Startled, the warrior looked up to see Gabrielle standing a short
distance away, her arms full of firewood. The expression in the bard's
eyes was one of pained sympathy.
"I can do this," Xena said quickly. "I know I can.
It's just going to take a little practice is all."
Gabrielle dropped her sticks on the pile of wood and then came over
to kneel beside Xena. "I know you can do it, too," she said
gently, "but right now you don't feel good and we need the fire
soon, so why don't you let me light it?"
Xena looked at her for a long moment and then handed over the flint.
Moving to the bedding, she sat down and leaned back wearily against the
Gabrielle studied the arrangement of kindling for a moment, moved a
couple of sticks, and picked up the second flint. Then she looked at
Xena. "How are you feeling?" she asked.
"Pretty useless, at the moment."
Gabrielle gave her a brief look of surprise, then said, "Xena,
you could never be useless. Even if you had no arms or legs at all, you
would still find a way to do things."
"Now there's a pleasant image," Xena said grimly.
"Oh. Well, I didn't mean it like it sounded. I meant it as a
Xena raised an eyebrow, but remained silent. She watched Gabrielle
bend over the fireplace, strike a spark, and quickly blow it into a
small flame which she fed with twigs and dry leaves. The warrior smiled,
remembering the night the young girl from Poteidaia had crept into her
campsite, shivering because she couldn't get a fire started. Who would
have thought the two of them would come to share so much? With a soft
sigh, Xena leaned her head back and tried to relax. It was definitely
good to have her lover back again. She would always be grateful that she
had been able to break Ares' spell--no matter what the ultimate price
A few minutes later, when the fire was burning well, Gabrielle came
and sat beside her. "Now tell me how you're feeling
physically," she said, brushing the hair back from Xena's forehead
and laying her hand there for a moment.
"Really tired. And I can't seem to take a deep breath."
"You're not dizzy?"
"No, not right now."
"Let's take your armor off. I think you'll be more
"Yeah," agreed Xena and leaned forward so that Gabrielle
could remove her cloak. After that, the bard unhooked the sword and
chakram, and laid them at one end of the bedroll. Then she untied Xena's
arm, massaging it gently in the places where the rope had rubbed the
"Still no feeling in this arm?" she asked.
Gabrielle sighed and continued the massage for a couple of minutes.
Then, after helping Xena slip out of her breastplates, bracers, and
shinguards, she wrapped the wool cloak around her again.
"Thanks," Xena murmured as she leaned back gratefully
against the rock and closed her eyes. She felt Gabrielle lay her fingers
on her throat to check her pulse. After a few moments, the fingers moved
to a second spot, and then to a third. Xena opened her eyes.
"What's wrong? Don't I have a pulse?" she asked with a weak
"Well, actually, I am having trouble finding it." Gabrielle
frowned. "Let me try your wrist. Oh, there it is," she said
with relief, "but it feels really weak." She glanced at Xena,
then said, "I'm going to listen to your heart." Unfastening
the warrior's cloak, she folded it back, slipped the leather strap off
Xena's left shoulder, and laid her ear against Xena's breast.
Moved by the intimate touch, Xena softly stroked the golden hair and
then kissed the top of Gabrielle's head. "I like it when you listen
to my heart," she said. "I just wish I felt more like taking
advantage of this situation."
Gabrielle raised her head. "I can't hear your heartbeat when
you're talking, you know," she said with a smile, and then kissed
Xena's mouth and ran her fingers lightly down the warrior's throat.
"Now be quiet and let me listen."
Xena leaned her head back again. It seemed to be taking Gabrielle a
long time. "What do you hear?" she asked finally.
"Gabrielle looked up and, in the firelight, Xena could see the
deep worry that had replaced the playful smile in her eyes. "It's
weak and sort of fast," she said, "and your breathing sounds
so incredibly shallow." She hesitated for a moment, biting her
lower lip, and then said, "Xena, I think the poison from the
serpent's bite may be affecting your heart somehow, and your lungs, too.
Don't you think that's a possibility?"
"Yes," Xena said softly.
Neither of them spoke for a couple of minutes. Gabrielle pulled
Xena's strap back up and wrapped the cloak back around her. Then she
asked, "What, exactly, did Elkton say would happen if the serpent
"He said that if I was bitten on an arm or leg, I would lose the
use of that arm or leg." She paused, trying to remember, then went
on. "And he said that if the bite was elsewhere . . . I would
Gabrielle shuddered. "But he didn't say you would die if the
bite was on your arm--just that you wouldn't be able to use the
"Right. But maybe he didn't know everything there was to
"How did he find out all this stuff anyway? About the serpent
and all that?"
"He saw it in a vision."
"Where did the vision come from?"
"He didn't know."
Gabrielle took Xena's left hand and held it in hers, pressing it
against her cheek as she rocked gently backward and forward, seemingly
deep in thought. Finally, she spoke. "If Elkton had a vision that
showed him how you could save me from Ares, then maybe he'll have one
about how to save you from this snakebite."
"No, listen! There must be something we can do! Somebody must
know how to heal this thing, and it just makes sense that it would be
Elkton! Maybe we should pack up right now and go on down the mountain.
You can ride Argo and--"
"Gabrielle, we can't. We can't travel that road at night. It's
much too rough and dangerous, and there won't even be a moon. We'll have
to wait until first light tomorrow."
"But Xena, what if--" She stopped, looking at the warrior
now, fear written plainly on her face.
"What if what?" Xena asked gently.
Gabrielle turned to look at the fire, then got up and added several
pieces of wood. When she came back, she seemed calmer. "Maybe this
is like the thing with the poison dart," she said. "Maybe it
will just make you sick for a while and then you'll fight it off and be
"Maybe," Xena said cautiously, "but when I got hit
with the dart, I at least had some idea how the poison would affect me.
I don't really know what to expect from this venom."
"But you've treated people with snakebites before, haven't
"A few, yes, but this wasn't an ordinary snake. This was a
creature of Hera's making."
"Hera! You didn't tell me she was involved!"
"Oh. Well, I told the other Gabrielle. I forgot I hadn't told
you." Xena paused to take a few short breaths. "The kaya plant
was Hera's," she said then. "That's why she put the serpent
there to guard it."
Gabrielle was silent, and after a moment, Xena put her arm around her
lover's shoulders and pulled her close. "We'll just have to wait
and see what happens tonight and then go on to Elkton's tomorrow,"
Gabrielle looked up at her and then laid her head on Xena's shoulder.
"I don't want you to die," she said in a choked voice. "I
can't stand the thought of losing you again. And besides," she
added, raising her head to look into the warrior's eyes, "you
promised you wouldn't die on me again. Don't forget that!"
"I'll do my best to keep my promise," Xena said with a
smile, and then she bent and softly kissed Gabrielle's mouth. "It
feels so good to hold you," she said. "I'm glad I got to do
that again, anyway."
"Xena, stop talking like you're about to die. I'm not going to
let that happen. Not if there's any way I can prevent it."
The warrior didn't answer. Her throat felt tight with emotion, and it
was harder than ever to breathe.
"What about your herbs?" Gabrielle said suddenly.
"Don't you have something that would help your heart or your
Xena considered for a moment. "Yes, maybe I do have something
that would help," she said.
"I'll get your bag," Gabrielle said quickly and jumped up.
She was back almost immediately, holding the bag while Xena sorted
through it one-handed.
"How does your head feel?" the warrior asked, looking up at
"Oh, uh, I haven't really thought about it for a while."
"Well, now that you're thinking about it, how does it
"It hurts a little, I guess, but it's not bad."
"Do you want some willow bark?"
"No, I'm okay."
"Well, there's plenty here, if you decide you want it
later." She went on looking through the packets of herbs until she
came to one containing a dried white root. Pulling it out, she put the
others back in the bag.
"What's that?" asked Gabrielle.
"It's something I bought in the Athens market last time we were
there. It comes from the land of Chin. I haven't really had a chance to
use it, but they say that it's good for the heart."
"You're going to use an herb on yourself that you've never tried
before . . . on anyone?"
Xena leveled her gaze at the bard. "I don't think I have much
choice right now, do you?"
"No, I guess not."
"Go put some water in the cooking pot."
Gabrielle stood up. "Where do I get water? I haven't seen any
"You'll have to melt snow."
"Oh yeah. Good idea." Gabrielle picked up the pot and
walked away from the fire.The night had grown dark, but the patches of
snow were still faintly visible, and after pausing for a moment, she
moved toward one of the larger ones.
Xena sat staring into the fire until the collapse of a burning ember
snapped her out of her reverie. The fire needed more wood, she realized.
Summoning the little bit of energy she had left, she stumbled to her
feet and crossed the two paces to the woodpile.She laid several sticks
on the flames then returned to the bedroll and sat down, exhausted. Had
it really been only that morning that she had climbed a mountain and
then fought a serpent? It all seemed as if it had happened to a
different person many long years ago.
Gabrielle crouched beside her. "Xena, I want you to sit still
from now on. You need to save your strength."
"Yeah, okay," she said, nodding vaguely.
"I filled the pot up with snow," Gabrielle said. "How
much of the root should I use?"
Xena reached inside her cloak and pulled out her breast dagger.
Handing it to Gabrielle, she said, "Start shaving off little bits
of the root. I'll tell you when to stop."
* * * * *
"Is the tea helping any?" asked Gabrielle.
"Yeah, it is, I think. I'm feeling a little stronger." Xena
held the mug with her hand under the handle, palm against the warm
wooden surface. Raising it to her mouth, she took a long sip, letting
the steam caress her face. Then she looked across the fire at Gabrielle,
who sat cutting up vegetables for stew.
"I'm sorry about the pot, by the way," said Xena.
"What do you mean? What's wrong with it?"
"Haven't you noticed?"
"No, I can't see it very well in the dark," said Gabrielle,
holding the pot up in the light of the fire. "Did you throw it at a
"No, worse than that--I cooked in it. Or tried to, anyway."
"You were doing the cooking?" Gabrielle asked in disbelief.
"Well, somebody had to do it and you didn't remember how."
"I didn't remember how to cook?"
Gabrielle laughed. "Well, that made it kind of hard on you,
"Uh-huh, and on you, too, I think," Xena said with a grin,
then took another sip of tea.
"So what did you try to cook?"
"Oh, nothing fancy. I just threw some things together like
you're doing, to make kind of a stew. But then I got busy showing you
how to use your staff, because you'd forgotten that, too, and--"
"You let it burn."
"Yeah. I tried to clean all the black stuff out, but--" She
shrugged. "Anyway, as soon as I have some money, I'll buy you a new
"You don't have any money?"
"No, I gave it away."
"All of it?"
"Well, that's okay. We can use some of mine." Gabrielle
felt inside her bodice for her coin purse. "Where is my money, by
"Uh, well, after Ares drugged you, I just kind of combined all
our funds . . . and then there was this family . . ."
"You gave my money away, too? All the money I earned telling
"Yes. I'm sorry, Gabrielle." Xena watched the younger
woman's face and saw the expression soften into a smile.
"It's okay," she said. "I'm sure the people you gave
it to really needed that money."
"They did," Xena said. "I was hoping you'd
Gabrielle put the rest of the vegetables into the cooking pot along
with several chunks of dried fish, then she set the pot on some stones
at the edge of the fire.
"So there you were," she said, "stuck with a Gabrielle
who didn't remember how to cook. I think that's pretty funny,
"It was really only for one night. Then we got to Elkton's
house. Gabrielle, I don't know where that man learned to cook, but the
meal he made for us last night-- Well, it was almost as good as some
you've made," she finished.
Gabrielle grinned. "I'm really looking forward to meeting
him," she said.
"Meeting him? But you already-- Oh yeah. That was the other you.
This has been so confusing," Xena said as she took another sip of
Gabrielle was silent for a few moments, then said, "Xena, can I
ask you something?"
"What is it, Love?"
"Well, when I was-- I mean, after Ares drugged me, did
we--" She stopped.
"Did we what?" prompted Xena.
"Did we . . . make love?"
The warrior smiled softly. "No, Gabrielle. I couldn't make love
to you under those circumstances. You were too different. It would have
been like making love to a stranger."
"Didn't you love me anymore?"
"Of course I loved you. But I wanted you back the way you really
are, like you are now. The other you was kind of hard to live
with." She smiled.
"What do you mean, 'hard to live with'?"
"Well, you were just so aggressive and warlike, always wanting
to kill somebody."
"And did I?" Gabrielle asked in a small voice. "Did I
"No, you didn't. But you almost did. It was quite a little
challenge for me to keep you from killing one of Hera's warriors this
"But I didn't kill him."
"No, but you definitely wanted to--especially after I had set a
bad example by killing one of the warriors myself."
"Why did you kill him? Was he attacking you?"
"He threw a dagger at us, but I didn't really need to kill him.
I just caught the dagger and threw it back without thinking. It was sort
of a reflex action." She stopped for a moment to catch her breath,
then went on. "I know that's not a very good excuse, but that's
Gabrielle pondered this for a while, then said, "So it was
seeing you kill someone that made me want to kill?"
"No," Xena said slowly. "You pretty much woke up from
the drug wanting to kill. But it wasn't you, Gabrielle. It was Ares. He
changed your whole personality. That's why I had to find a way to break
There was silence for a moment, then Gabrielle said softly,
"Thank you, Xena. I already owed you my life several times over.
Now I owe you much more."
Xena shifted uncomfortably and swallowed the last of the tea in her
mug. "Hey, that's what friends are for, right?" she said.
"Now can we talk about something else?"
"Sure," said Gabrielle with a grin. She walked around the
fire and knelt in front of Xena. "Are you really feeling
better?" she asked, taking the mug from the warrior's hand.
"But only a little?"
Xena heard the disappointment in her lover's voice and wished she
could lie and say that everything was fine. For a few moments she looked
into Gabrielle's green eyes without speaking, and then said quietly,
"You know, it's funny--I was ready to die to save you. I've
actually been thinking about death quite a bit the last couple of days.
But now that I've got you back again--" She reached out to cup the
younger woman's cheek with her hand. "I kind of want to stick
"You're not going to die, Xena," Gabrielle whispered
fiercely. "I'm not going to let you. I told you that." She put
her hand over the warrior's and then turned her face to kiss Xena's
"Gabrielle, you may not have any control over this."
"I know, but I really think Elkton can help us. I don't know
why, but I just have this strong feeling that somehow he'll know what to
do.All we have to do is keep you alive until we get to his house."
Xena stared at her without speaking. There was no reason to believe
that Elkton would know how to solve this crisis, but neither had there
been a reason for her own belief that he could help break Ares' spell.
And if Gabrielle wanted to cling to this one last hope, why not?
"The thing is, you've got to help me, Xena," Gabrielle
continued. "You've got to be strong and fight this poison until we
can get you to Elkton. Can you do that?"
"I can try." Xena pulled the bard close and kissed her
forehead. "That's all I can promise you. Now go check and make sure
the stew's not burning."
"The stew!" exclaimed Gabrielle, scrambling to her feet and
hurrying back to the cooking pot. "It's all right," she
reported after a moment, "but it does need to be stirred."
Xena gave a tired smile and let her head fall back against the rock.
All at once she was acutely aware of the difficulty of her breathing,
and she couldn't remember ever having felt such a deep and total
weariness. She watched Gabrielle on the other side of the fire, moving
as if through some kind of haze. And when the young woman spoke, her
voice seemed to come from a great distance.
"Tell me more about what happened after Ares drugged me,"
she said. "What was I like? What did I do?"
Xena looked at her lover, standing there in the haze, her face so
beautiful in the golden firelight. Ares had stolen her away, but Xena
had defeated him. She had saved Gabrielle from Tartarus. And now she
felt a sweet peace in her soul.
"Xena, did you hear me? Are you all right?" Gabrielle was
crouching beside her now, looking at her with frightened eyes.
"I can't talk now," Xena murmured. "I'm just too
"I'm sorry," Gabrielle said quickly, touching Xena's cheek.
"I told you to save your strength and now I'm tiring you out with
talking." She smiled and the warrior smiled back weakly. "Are
you warm enough?" the bard asked.
"Yeah, I'm fine."
Gabrielle put her hands on Xena's. "Your hands are a little
cold," she said, reaching for one of the furs lying folded at the
foot of the bedroll. "Lean forward and I'll put this around
you." She draped the fur over Xena's shoulders and spread another
one across her legs. "The stew will be ready in a minute," she
said and moved away again.
When she brought the steaming bowl and held it out to her, Xena
stared at it, wondering vaguely how she could both hold it and eat
one-handed. "You'll have to set it down," she said.
"No, I'll just hold it for you," Gabrielle said, seating
herself cross-legged beside the warrior.
"But you need to eat, too."
"I can eat when you're done. Here's the spoon," she said,
placing it in Xena's hand.
She ate slowly, taking small bites. She had never realized before how
hard it was to eat and breathe at the same time. After a while, she put
the spoon back in the bowl and looked at Gabrielle. "I can't eat
any more," she said.
"Are you sure? Xena, you need to keep up your strength,"
Gabrielle said. She tipped the bowl toward the firelight and peered into
it. "You only ate half. Don't you like it?"
"It's fine, Gabrielle. I just can't eat any more."
"Okay," the bard said softly, setting the bowl aside.
"Is there anything else you want? Some bread? Dried fruit?
Gabrielle went to get the waterskin and held it while Xena took a few
small sips. "Do you want me to make you more tea?" she asked.
Xena shook her head.
"All right. I'll eat my dinner and get things cleaned up. Then
we can go to sleep." She got to her feet and moved away into the
Xena closed her eyes. The next thing she was aware of was Gabrielle's
hand on her shoulder, and she raised her head, surprised. "Was I
asleep?" she asked.
"Yeah," Gabrielle said with a soft smile. "I started
talking and after a while I realized that the only one listening was
"It's okay." Gabrielle wrapped her arms around the warrior
and pulled her close. "I love you so much, Xena," she said.
"I know," Xena whispered, her face against the warmth of
Gabrielle's neck. "And I love you, too."
Gabrielle stroked the dark hair for a few minutes, then said, "I
think you're falling asleep again. Why don't you lie down? Do you want
to be on the side closer to the fire?"
"No," said Xena.
"It'll be warmer there."
"Yeah, but whoever's closer to the fire has to get up and feed
it during the night."
Gabrielle grinned. "Good point. You'll just have to hope I
remember to wake up and do it."
Xena stretched out on her back, her useless right arm tucked into the
space between her body and the rock, and Gabrielle covered her with
furs. She watched the bard move to the woodpile and lay a couple of logs
on the fire, but her figure was blurred by what seemed to be an
ever-thickening mist. Returning to the bedroll, Gabrielle slipped under
the covers and lay close to the warrior.Her hand found Xena's and their
For a time they were silent, then Xena looked over at Gabrielle and
said, "I want to hold you."
"Won't that make it harder for you to breathe?"
"Maybe, but I want to try it." They let go of hands and she
put her arm around Gabrielle, who rolled closer and hesitantly laid her
head on Xena's chest.
"Is that all right?" the bard asked.
"Yeah. I just want to have you close, so if I wake up in the
night, I'll know that it's really you." She felt Gabrielle smile
and gradually relax. "Can you hear my heart?" she asked after
a few moments.
"Uh-huh, but just barely. It's very weak."
Xena closed her eyes and felt herself begin to drift. She had almost
departed the realm of consciousness when Gabrielle spoke.
"I don't want you to go to sleep," she said. "I'm
afraid you won't wake up again."
Xena opened her eyes. Gabrielle had propped herself up on one elbow
and appeared silhouetted against the firelight, her face in the shadows.
"If I cross over," Xena said quietly, "it will happen the
same, whether I'm awake or asleep."
"But if you're awake, maybe you can fight better--fight to stay
"If there's any way to fight this thing, I will," she said.
"I told you that already." She stopped speaking and for a few
moments there was only the sound of the crackling fire and her own
labored breathing. "Have faith, Gabrielle," she said finally.
"That's all I know to tell you."
"Have faith," the younger woman repeated softly. "The
last time you told me that, you were going off to free Prometheus, and I
was afraid you wouldn't come back. But you did, so I have to believe
that you will come through this time, too." She smiled and brushed
the hair back from Xena's face, then kissed her on the cheek. "Good
night, Xena," she said, snuggling back down beside the warrior.
"Good night," Xena responded, closing her eyes again.
"If you need anything in the night, I want you to wake me
up," Gabrielle said. "Will you do that?"
"I mean it, Xena. If you start feeling worse or you just want
someone to talk to or whatever, I want you to wake me up, okay?"
Xena moved her mouth to answer, but no words came out. A dense fog
was rolling over her, blotting out all sensation and sound. She began to
feel as if she were falling, drifting slowly down through the fog,
helpless to stop herself, until at last she came to rest in a place of
heavy, dreamless sleep.
* * * * *
She woke sometime later, uncertain at first whether she really was
awake. Her eyes were open, and yet she could see nothing except the
thick blackness of the night. Listening, she heard only the rasp of air
making its tired way in and out of her lungs. But gradually, she became
aware, too, of the gentler sound of Gabrielle's steady breathing, and of
the weight of the bard's head on her collarbone. She lay for some
moments without moving, wondering what had awakened her. It seemed a
riddle too difficult to solve initially, but then, slowly, the
realization began to penetrate her sluggish mind. Her feet were cold--so
very cold that they ached. Relieved to have discovered the problem at
last, she set about to right it, making feeble efforts to flex her
ankles and wiggle her toes inside her boots. But even this small
exertion tired her and she soon gave it up, leaving her feet no warmer
Gabrielle had said to wake her, but what could she do to help, Xena
wondered. This coldness she felt--was it the chill of death? If so, then
she had only to wait for it to creep upward through her body, until at
last the icy fingers stilled the beating of her heart. How often had she
heard the dying complain of feeling cold? Yes, that must be what this
was. There was nothing Gabrielle could do.
But the bard had said to wake her, so maybe-- It was so hard to
think. Xena closed her eyes wearily. She could probably ignore the cold
and take refuge in sleep again. Surely it wouldn't be long now. She
could just slip away quietly, peacefully, in her sleep. But what about
Gabrielle? It would be good to hear her voice one last time, to say
goodbye, at least.
She opened her eyes again and stared into the darkness. Then,
summoning up the little energy that remained to her, she said,
"Gabrielle." Her voice sounded weak--barely stronger than a
whisper, and she thought she would have to try again, but Gabrielle woke
almost at once.
"Xena, what is it? Are you feeling worse?"
"Cold?" Gabrielle sat up and looked around. "Zeus! I
didn't wake up to feed the fire! I'm sorry." She scrambled out from
under the covers and hurriedly laid some sticks on the dying coals,
blowing on them until a column of smoke arose, followed by a tentative
flame. She fanned this flame with her cloak until it grew to a
respectable size, then added several more sticks. Returning to kneel at
Xena's side, she laid her hand on the warrior's face.
"Are you cold all over?" she asked.
"Mostly my feet . . . and legs," said Xena, panting for
breath between words."They're so cold . . . they ache."
Gabrielle slipped her hand under the furs and felt Xena's thighs and
knees. Then she folded the covers back to reveal her feet. "I'm
going to take your boots off, okay? I think it will be easier to warm
your feet up without them."
Untying the laces, Gabrielle worked quickly to loosen them and slide
the boots off. "I'll put these by the fire to warm up," she
said, then turned back to run her hands over the warrior's feet.
"Oh, Xena," she said softly, "your feet are like ice. You
could have gotten frostbite. It's a good thing you woke me up."
"I almost . . . didn't."
"Why not?" Gabrielle demanded, looking at Xena. "I
told you to wake me if you needed anything." She lifted one of the
warrior's feet onto her lap and began to rub it gently.
"I . . . thought I . . . was dying," Xena said. "I
didn't think . . . you could . . . do anything."
Even through the mist that blurred her vision, Xena could see the
pain these words brought to Gabrielle's face.
"Xena," the young woman said, still looking at the foot she
was massaging, "even if you were dying, I would want you to wake me
up. I might not be able to do very much, but at least I could be here
for you. And I could hold you and tell you how much I love you."
She looked up then and in the light of the fire, Xena could see the
tears on her cheeks. "Do you remember a long time ago,"
Gabrielle continued, "right after we first met, when you were in
Lyceus' tomb? I told you then that you weren't alone, and I meant it.
You don't have to live alone, and you don't have to die alone either, as
long as I'm around."
Xena was silent for a few moments, moved by her lover's words.
"That's why . . . I woke you," she said finally. "So I
could . . . hear your . . . voice."
Gabrielle brushed a hand quickly across her eyes, then returned her
attention to Xena's foot. "Can you feel this? Is it helping at
all?" she asked.
"Yes, it's . . . helping. Your . . . hands . . . feel so
"It's hard to believe you got so cold under all these furs. I
guess your heart just isn't beating hard enough to get the blood all the
way to your toes."
She continued the massage for another minute or so, then opened her
cloak and tucked the foot against her bare abdomen.
"Mmm," Xena murmured. "Now there's . . . a warm
Gabrielle didn't answer, but smiled as she began massaging the
warrior's other foot. Xena closed her eyes, enjoying her lover's
ministrations and the sensation of warmth that was creeping slowly back
into her limbs. Maybe it hadn't been the chill of death after all, she
thought. Maybe she had just gotten cold.
"How's your arm doing?" Gabrielle asked. "Is it cold,
"I can't tell," Xena said, opening her eyes and looking at
the place where her right arm lay covered up.
Gabrielle tucked the furs snugly around the warrior's feet, then
reached under the covers to pull out the wounded arm. "Another
chunk of ice," she said, attempting to grin. "It's a good
thing I checked."
Xena watched her lover's hands kneading and stroking the flesh of her
arm, thinking how strange it was to see it happening and yet feel
nothing. It wasn't long, though, before her eyes drifted shut and she
slipped into a light doze.
"Xena." Gabrielle's voice and touch woke her. "I made
you some more tea and I want you to sit up and drink it."
"No," mumbled Xena. "Sleep."
"You can go back to sleep as soon as you drink the tea. This
will help get you warm. Come on now, sit up." Then, reaching down,
she dragged the warrior into a sitting position. "Put your back
against the rock and your feet toward the fire," she instructed.
"Good. Now here's the tea."
She held out the mug and Xena took it, but it seemed amazingly heavy
and her hand shook trying to hold it. "Maybe you'd better let me
help you with that," Gabrielle said quickly. Then, taking the mug
in her own hands, she held it to Xena's lips.
It was hard to coordinate her breathing with the drinking, and
several times she choked and started coughing. Gabrielle waited
patiently each time and then offered the mug again until finally Xena
gasped, "No more," and leaned her head back against the rock.
"Okay," Gabrielle said quietly, setting the mug aside.
"Are you feeling warmer now?"
"Good. Let's get your boots back on and then you can go to
The boots felt warm on her feet, and Xena smiled weakly as she
watched her lover lace and tie them.
"Now," Gabrielle said, "why don't you lie down on your
left side here, facing the fire, and I'll sleep behind you to keep your
backside warm." She grinned. "And I promise to keep the fire
fed this time."
Grateful to lie down again, Xena lowered herself onto the bedroll.
"Let's put this arm right here in front of you where maybe it
will stay warmer," Gabrielle said, tucking Xena's arm in and
spreading the furs over her. She got up to throw a few more sticks on
the fire, then slipped under the covers and snuggled against Xena's
back, wrapping one arm around her. "How does that feel? Are you
warm enough?" she asked.
"Uh-huh," murmured Xena. "Thanks." She closed her
eyes and fell asleep almost at once.
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