I Saw by CalR

Disclaimer: Okay... Babylon 5 and its wonderful characters are not mine. They belong to J. Michael Straczynski and Babylonian Productions. No profits are intended, I just had to get this out of my head.

Comments, criticisms (and anything else that may go throught your head) are welcome at CalR@wanadoo.fr . If this piece has bored you to death or made you cringe please tell me in order to stop my poisoning of the web with my writings...

This is my first try at B5 fanfiction and it's my first one in English. This short piece takes place after ''Divided loyalties".

Guess who are the protagonists? ;-)

I saw

So blind...

What did I see?

The first time I met you, I only saw the badge, this hateful golden plated greek letter plastered on your breast. The psi, once symbol of the ancient greek god of the seas, is now tamished and sullied by human-faced monsters like the svastika was three centuries ago.

But most of us don't realise this, yet.

That day, I only saw that letter and all the things hidden behind: the Cops, the black uniform, the propaganda, the drugs and mama...her beautiful spirit crushed by the likes of you.

Harsh and cold...

The second time I met you, I saw your attitude, all sharp coolness and icy coldness. The confident gait, the namrod straight back, the shoulders thrown behind, and the arrogant bearing of your head. Confident. Cold. Untouchable. More than the psi-dampening gloves or the dreaded sign pinned on your chest, your attitude brought you up among the many species found in the Zocalo. And therefore, it isolated you, making you stand alone in a crowd of a quarter million of people.

The third time, I saw your body. Lengthy, almost bony, your feminine curves ill-hidden under the conservative suit, your hips swaying with each step you took, your flaxen straight hair cut in a well fitting but old fashioned way. I saw a woman hiding her age and her beauty under the cool appearance of a professional.

Later, I saw the spirit hidden under all those layers of attitude and poise. I saw your uncertainty, your doubts about the Corps, your inner fight against all that you were taught. And most of all, I saw the solitude brought by your status, and the proudness you took in accomplishing your job, unable as you were to decide if your powers were either a gift or a curse.

I saw your eyes, grey-blue under the harsh lights of the station, sometimes rimmed with tears and other times twinkling with mirth but still with this ever present sadness deeply embedded in them.

I saw your shoulders slumped when you were tired, the light spring in your pace when you where happy; I saw your smile bright and joyous, taking years of your face. As if, far from your dark masters, you were allowing yourself to be you for the first time.

It took me two years to see the human being and the friend in you.

Finally, I saw that you loved me.

It took me long enought to understand that. And the night I realised your feelings for me, that single night is burned in my being more deeply than white-hot iron on living skin.

That night, I saw your heart and found out that you have given it to me.

I never knew what you ever did see in me. I had never tried to know you, but you were stubborn and relentless in your intent to befriend me. Sometimes, my russian side whispers that it was the dark sister hidden in your head that was responsible of your persistance, because of my position. But I keep hoping that even if She wasn't there, even if I wasn't the second in command of this station, you would have still wanted to be with me.

The last time I met you was the day after that magical night, and I only saw an empty shell. And Her, cold, disdainful. The one I thought you were before I knew you.

Her words were so different of yours. Meant to hurt, rip and destroy with uneerring accuracy. That day, I saw you dying and could not do anything to prevent it.

And now you are not here anymore, your body has just left the station, but your soul is gone hours before.

I saw the shuttle taking you away by the jumpgate, and, as the yellow vortex disappeared, I realised that it was too late, too late to see that I loved you...

I was blind. Oh god, I was so blind...


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